So, I’m going to get my picture taken next week. Over and over. I’ve scheduled a boudoir photo shoot. Actually, it was mostly K’s idea. He loves the idea of boudoir photos and encouraged me to try it. It was WAY more expensive that I thought it would be, but he was so totally supportive. And I admit, the thought of modeling partly nude, and perhaps even completely nude, really gets me going.
I know the photos will be tasteful and exciting, no shots of my crotch close up or my butt cheeks spread. This is a good thing, because I’m nervous enough already. I’ve always had a secret exhibitionist streak, but this is new to me. Choosing to get in front of a camera? For 3 hours? With lingerie, mile high heels, and make-up? I’m pretty nervous.
I’ve lost a lot of weight in the past year, and my body looks pretty good. I’ve been exercising to tone and strengthen and tighten, but I have some areas that make me uncomfortable. Do you know where you lose weight first, girls? That’s right. The boobs. And if you lose weight quickly, like I did, due to a long illness? The boobs really shrink. And not just shrink. Deflate. I used to take my boobs for granted, and now, I just want to cry. And I have extra skin around my belly left. It looks fine if I stand or lie down, but bend over, or get on my hands and knees? I hate the way I have extra skin on my belly.
Yes, I’m starting to fixate on the problem areas, instead of my good areas. And I do have good areas. I’m short, but when I put on mile-high heels, my legs look pretty damn good. And my ass is nice. I really like how my ass looks, especially in heels.
K likes all parts of me, even those I hate. He’s wonderful and supportive, and mostly, I’ve learned to let go of the self-hatred and work on the self-worth.
Do you know the hardest part of the shoot, for me? It’s having them photograph my face. I’ve always felt ugly. Ever since childhood, I’ve done what I can to turn attention away from myself. I’ve learned to like my body, okay, at least most of it, but my face? Not so much. I’ll concede that I’m not ugly. But I definitely am not beautiful. I have never been one to turn heads, to attract the guys. And okay, I admit I never tried,either. But still. To have a camera taking pictures of my face? I’m pretty nervous.
But I’m going to do it. Take the plunge. Take the panties off and put the thongs on. I’ve bought the lingerie and have begun the countdown. Just a few days to go, and then…..SHOWTIME.
subtractingvanilla 