So K and I have started this journey…..and it’s been exciting and wonderful, if a bit scary. We started by spicing up our love life, adding in small things like blindfolds, anal play, and a limited amount of hand binding. I was really surprised how my interest in sex increased with these things.
If you had asked me a couple of years ago if I liked sex, I would have answered automatically, “sure.” But it wouldn’t have been an enthusiastic answer. Over the many years of our marriage, sex has been last on my list of “things to do.” First our children were young and required a lot of time and energy, and my sleep was shortened accordingly. Then my job was demanding and stressful and shortened my sleep accordingly. Somehow, sex was always the last item on my list. Rather than being a fundamental pleasure and release, it was just another thing on my “to-do” list. And it wasn’t always an item that I wanted to check off.
For the past half year or so, though, sex has become much more than simply a job to complete. It’s become joyous, and scary, and oh so enthralling. It’s strange to think that this change is because of the way we’re having sex. Really? Just because my husband has started to spank me, and tie me up, and make me do things? This is what I need?
Oh, god, it really is. I feel alive when he takes control. I can simply turn off my mind to all the things I’m worrying about, and give up control of my body, and it feels so good. K and I have always been close, but I feel as if we have learned so much about one another on this journey of ours. I trust him so much more now. We’ve talked about our fantasies, even when it has been scary. We’ve overstepped our boundaries a couple of times and been a bit shaken up, but have recovered and talked and talked and talked until we’re both okay and ready to explore some more. I never thought I’d enjoy being tied and blindfolded and explored, but I love it.
And so I wonder, just where will this journey of ours lead us? Are we really part of the BDSM crowd? Are we really kinky? Or are we just a couple of vanilla people who like a bit of spice? I guess the labels we put on ourselves don’t really matter. All that matters is that we have discovered a way to reconnect, to ignite our inner selves, and to reach such joyous orgasmic heights that it makes me cry sometimes.
I’m so grateful we found butt plugs and blindfolds, handcuffs and floggers. And I can’t wait to see what our next steps will be.
We’re looking at communities around us, and contemplating going to a munch or two to meet people in the kinky community. That’s a very scary idea for someone with social anxiety, and I’m terrified, but yet drawn. I have a feeling we’ll be there soon….